Publication Day: Lesson 4 in Surviving a Classic Crime Novel – 10 of the Worst Crime Fiction Parties to Attend

Hip Hip Hooray! How to Survive a Classic Crime Novel is published today (and available to buy from vendors such as the British Library, Foyles, Waterstones, WHSmith, The Literary Gift Company, Blackwells (free international shipping) and lots of your favourite local independent bookshops.

To celebrate my publication day, today’s list is going to be all about parties and which ones in classic crime fiction you seriously want to avoid. Previous lists this week have looked at dangers in the bedroom, train dilemmas and the deadliest jobs in vintage crime fiction.

N. B. Agatha Christie has featured a number of times in this week’s lists, but in the end I did not include her in this one, as the reasons why some of her fictional parties are so deadly, are spoilers.

An image from the film The Ninth Guest (1934) (the book it is based on is No. 3 in the list)

I think Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus (1594) probably wins the title for the worst party in literature, with the host serving up meat pies made from the sons of his guest of honour, but here are some examples of dreadful parties from classic crime fiction…

Party No. 1: Jumping Jenny (1933) by Anthony Berkeley

Why you should avoid it:

• The host has gone to town with his victims/killers fancy dress theme and has set up his own gallows. You know someone is going to be hanging from it by the end of the night.
• Your eventual murder victim is going to be a pain in the rear end first, demanding to be the centre of attention with their exhibitionist behaviour, quick mood swings, malicious gossip, lies, and threats. They may also badger you into dancing a violent Apache dance, irrespective of the fact you might not want to.

Party No. 2: The Deadly Truth (1943) by Helen McCloy

Why you should avoid it:

• Your host secretly drugs everyone with a truth serum, which has the anticipated effect of bringing a lot of secrets out into the open.
• Whilst it is your host who bites the dust at the end of the party, in a painfully grim manner, you still have the hassle of the police investigation afterwards.

Party No. 3: The Invisible Host (1930) by Gwen Bristow and Bruce Manning

Why you should avoid it:

• Despite your ego being pandered to in the invite, your host is in fact your new enemy as they have trapped you inside their penthouse apartment. All exits are boobytrapped and there is no way of contacting the outside the world about your predicament.
• Various items in the house are also set to kill and during the whole ordeal there is a radio recording from your host taunting you with what might happen next.
• It is a stormy night, with rain and lightning which does not make the party any easier.
• In such a strained atmosphere it is not surprising that guests start turning on each other, all wondering if their host is in fact one of them and if any of them will survive the experience.
• Oh, and did I mention there are eight empty coffins on the patio?

Party No. 4: The Widow of Bath (1952) by Margot Bennett

Why you should avoid it:

• The only people you know at the party are the woman you once loved and betrayed you, and the con man she betrayed you for.
• Your ex unsurprisingly does not bring out the best in you and damages your chances with someone else.
• The party ends in murder, and you are left with the disquieting feeling that your presence has been used somehow.

Party No. 5: Follow as the Night (1950) by Patricia McGerr

Why you should avoid it:

• The other attendees are your ex-husband, his current wife, his fiancée, and his mistress. Need it be said that this group is not a harmonious one?
• You have the growing feeling that your ex-husband is going to kill one of the guests. But who will it be? Will it be you? Much rushing around making sure no one is left alone near the balcony ensues.

Party No. 6: Death of a Doll (1947) by Hilda Lawrence

Why you should avoid it:

• This is not the best place to hide from a killer who is chasing after you, as despite the idea of hiding in the crowd, the fact everyone is wearing identical fancy dress costumes and masks means you cannot identify who the murderer is, nor can you find any allies to prevent your untimely demise (which trust me is very tense and eerie to read about!)

Party No. 7: The Man Who Was Not There (1943) by Ethel Lina White

A cover which does no justice to the book’s story.

Why you should avoid it:

• The party takes place at a semi-rural country house which has its own private zoo. Unfortunately, the animals have tendency to escape their habitats, not least because your Machiavellian host is opening the doors and lying about where the dangerous animals are kept.
• The party is an evening affair, and blackout rules apply which makes avoiding the zoo-based perils even harder and the animal noises more unnerving.

If other party attendees actively start encouraging you to leave and even put you on a bus – don’t make your way back to the party!

Party No. 8: The Oval Table (1946) by J. Jefferson Farjeon

Why you should avoid it:

• Unsettling table decorations
• The host has only invited you and the others because he received a threatening letter, and he believes one of you sent it. There are plenty of motives for bumping him off, so when he does get killed, you’re going to have a hard job proving your innocence to the police.
• The host’s version of a toast (to death as it happens) leaves you all on edge.
• The lights go out, someone gets locked in the library, and even though a gun goes off, your host dies of poison.

Party No.9: Wake the Sleeping Wolf (1952) by Rae Foley

Why you should avoid it:

• Your hand crushing host is painfully tactless rubbing salt into personal wounds and is not above announcing to the party guest private information such as someone being an ex-alcoholic. Such a host is liable to make you feel inferior and insecure, which can make you prickly with your partner.
• Your partner potentially will engage in flirtatious banter with another person, intimating that you mean nothing to them.
• Alternatively, your partner might withhold your jewellery as they have not been impressed with your behaviour lately. This might ruin your outfit.
• Your house guest who you have never met before turns out to be the spitting image of you and you are required to take them to the party with you. This causes no end of amusement, and a lot of jokes are had at your expense. It doesn’t help that your double intentionally mimics your behaviour and mannerisms.

Party No. 10: Death of Jezebel (1948) by Christianna Brand

Why you should avoid it:

• You face the danger of drinking far too much and doing something you will regret, losing the man you love in the process.
• You risk arriving at the party late and discovering your fiancée in a compromising position and not being able to handle this well.
• If you instigate the “practical joke” of getting someone else too drunk and this leads to deadly consequences, then you risk becoming the victim of a revenge-based murder plot in the future.

Which other terrible crime fiction fictional parties would you add to the list? Stay tuned and come back to the blog tomorrow to find out what topic my lists will be tackling next.